does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
