The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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