is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'm really busy with my period
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