we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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