I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
