Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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