Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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