You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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