I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
