I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
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