3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
