You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
