Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
