I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
