If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
