if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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