im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
