got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
