we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
