Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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