I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
