I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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