She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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