now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
