fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Pooping to opera.
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