So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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