i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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