Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
