dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
