ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
