How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
