Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
