high people should be assigned attendants
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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