this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
