last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
