i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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