You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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