I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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