capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Randomize
