i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
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