I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
