You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
