genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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