I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
