He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
