i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
