they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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