DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
