she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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