I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
