If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
