So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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